*PRE-ORDER*

POMADE LABEL WILL SLIGHTLY DIFFER THAN THAT PICTURED. If you order additional products with this one, your order will NOT ship until the ROS pomade is available. Estimated shipping date is 16 February 2024.

FREE SHIPPING ON ORDERS $50+

First 69 pre-orders get a free tactical spork-majiggy with their order. Choose which number of 69 you want. When the number is gone, it's gone forever. 

What is tactical spork-majiggy (TSM)? It is high-quality stainless steel eating utensil for America's elite warriors! One side is a spoon, the other side is a fork, and it has a bottle opener and can opener in between.

You may add custom text on your TSM at NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE! That's right, bitches, we're out here being selfless like that. Simply add your custom text in the "special instructions for seller" box when you checkout. Custom text length is limited to 2 inches. Don't act like you don't know what 2 inches looks like.

Scent Profile: Remember that time you were in the field, and you paid someone $20 for an expired bag of MRE skittles that were melted together? And before they handed the skittles over, they rubbed them on their balls, and you ate 'em anyways cuz you're not gay or whatever? This pomade's scent will take you back to that sweet candy aroma infused with an anonymous masculine musk. In other words: Top notes of a sweet floral scent with a chocolate nutty body, and a woodsy base.

Barney-Style Directions:
1. Use your right index finger to scoop up fingertip amount (2-3 grams) of pomade.
2. Wipe the pomade from your finger onto your left palm.
3. Work the pomade between your palms.
4. Apply pomade to towel-dried hair on your head.
5. Comb through and style as desired or authorized.
6. Don’t be a commie.

Ingredients: Water, Ceteareth-25, PVP, Propylene Glycol, PEG-7 Glycerol Cocoate, Polysorbate-20, Fragrance, PEG-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Vegetable Glycerine, DMDM Hydantoin