Believe it or not, there actually is such a thing as a stupid question. Below, we do our best to answer both stupid and legitimate questions…
What is your Return Policy?
We don’t have one. If the cost of a jar of pomade breaks your bank, then you have bigger issues to focus on. You shouldn’t have financed that V6 muscle car at 24% interest. Dipshit.
Do I have to have a combover to use your product?
No, but you’d be a lot cooler if you did…
Does ‘Cocaine & Hookers’ contain real cocaine?
Your mom should have swallowed you.
Are the stories actually real?
Yes; however, names and some very small details have been changed to protect the service members’ identity. Last thing we need is for one of our buddies to be facing some UCMJ bullshit.
How much does shipping cost and how long does it take?
Shipping is free on orders over $50. For orders $49 and under, shipping usually ranges from $4-$6. Most orders leave our facility within 48 hours and typically take 3-4 business days to arrive once shipped. You will be emailed tracking information.
Do you ship to APO/FPO addresses?
Absolutely! We ship free to all APO/FPO, too. Just keep in mind that your order will take longer to arrive.
I own a barbershop/store. Can I get wholesale pricing?
Yes! Contact us for details.
Your language offends me. Can you tone it down a bit?
Go fuck yourself.
Can I use your products on my pubies?
Beard oil- yes. Pomade- you can, but you really shouldn’t.
How do I explain buying ‘Cocaine & Hookers’ to my wife?
If you have to explain anything, you don’t have a wife- you are the wife! Ask your husband for your balls back.
I read the instructions on the pomade jar. What if I’m left-handed?
You mean wrong-handed? You’re probably a communist.
If you have a question that we haven’t addressed here, feel free to contact us!