If you’re reading this, you’re probably an elite Asslete- an Olympic level, peach gobbling barbarian whose trophy case is lined with the jiggliest of buns.

For Assletes, gobbling the peach isn’t a hobby- it’s a religion. But how you do it separates the boys from the men. From the front? Cute… I guess. From the back? Now that’s professional artistry, Bronze Star with Valor type shit.

When you go in from behind, you’re asserting your dominance. You’re telling her, “I run this kitchen, and dessert’s on me.” It’s filthy, it’s primal, it’s passionate, and it’s the only way to put your name in the Asslete Hall of Fame!

So throw on this shirt, grab life by the hips, and show the world you’re a certified backdoor gourmand. Bend her over and make it scrumptious.