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The Important Stuff: This formula has a strong hold that will last all day long. If your hair gets messed up throughout the day, just add a little water to reactivate the hold. It's water soluble and easily washes out in the shower. All of our pomade scents are inspired by true stories.

The Story: Every unit has one: the Soldier that falls in love with the first female that isn't creeped out by them. Being the sophisticated classy man that he is, Private James frequented the local gentleman's club. He was a regular; had the lunch punch card and everything. But it wasn't just the killer $5 lunch special that had our buddy James going back, it was her- Miss Fantasy. After blowing his entire re-up bonus, she finally agreed to go to Denny's with him. One thing led to another, and before he knew it, Private James was three babies deep with a woman who thought chocolate milk came from brown cows. Of course it ended in divorce! It always does. In Private James' defense, she did have some nice tiddies.

Scent Profile: Two words: dirty vanilla. I Married A Stripper offers top notes of what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking that immediately arouse the olfaction. Middle notes of divorce and child support blend beautifully with the base of social media venting. A whiff of this is bound to remind you of that one time you almost pulled a Private James. Civilian Translation: A soft unisex fragrance of vanilla and some floral type of shit. Will likely remind you of a lap dance. Not too shabby!

Barney-Style Directions:
1. Use your right index finger to scoop up fingertip amount of pomade.
2. Wipe the pomade from your finger onto your left palm.
3. Work the pomade between your palms.
4. Apply pomade to the hair on your head.
5. Comb through and style as desired or authorized.
6. Don't be a commie.

For a stronger hold with less shine, apply to dry hair. For a bit more shine, apply to damp hair. We personally recommend applying pomade to lightly damp hair. The more you use the stronger the hold!

Ingredients: Water, Ceteareth-25, PVP, Propylene Glycol, PEG-7 Glycerol Cocoate, Polysorbate-20, Fragrance, PEG-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Vegetable Glycerine, DMDM Hydantoin